I am looking around my house and thinking about how much I need a maid, laundry service, a chef, a personal trainer, and of course all the presents I need to buy friends and family for the holidays. We got behind with tasks due to RSV and Covid. Both viruses decided to make themselves comfortable at my house and didnt take the hint it was time to leave lol.
My mind is now focusing on everything I have to do like a programmed robot. I also have kids that need me to play and be attentive to their fragile egos and big emotions. I also would love to have a date with my husband and have extra time to focus on my career.
My question is....Where is the balance? What do we give up in place of something else more important? What if tragically everything we worry about is important? During these times of worry, my mind reflects on every psychology article and health article I read that scared me into being hypervigilent about too many things, especially a child's upbringing. There is so much fear circulating in our society that if one makes a mistake there is this feeling of irreversible consequences of doom....lol.
As a child of the 1980's I didn't grow up being so nervous. Many of you may have had similar experiences. We were a generation that had more faith in ourselves and our future and it came from the confidence of our parents. I realize now I was a pretty relaxed child compared to the children of this generation. My parents just didnt worry that much. They trusted their instincts. They had much more hope for wonderful things to happen in my life than I do now at their age as a parent. This saddens me.
What if I could capture some of my parent's mentality and let my intuition guide me more than the outside influencers? What if I slowed-down my life to really enjoy the stage I am in now? Maybe I can focus on the blessings of today and plan (but not obsess) about the future.
I write this entry on a very personal level because I cannot turn back time and have my wonderful family members back. I am left with much regret for not savoring their presence more when they were here by my side. I was one of those people who always thought I could push things off to a later date and fit people into my life in the future. Too many of us live in the future and don't really accept that we wont know what the future will hold...for better or for worse. As the famous John Lennon saying goes..."Life happens when you are making other plans."
A large part of why I created my business was to give myself comfort while going through a grieving period in my life. So as I was thinking about all the things I have to do in the future, I am taking my own advice and making some hygge hot chocolate, relaxing with my kids and drawing pictures. Letting myself relax sometimes and be in "the present" is the present I actually need most this year. I hope I have the patience to enjoy this gift. I also hope this entry has been helpful to those sharing similar feelings.
Happy Holidays everyone to you and yours!
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